"The One Who Left to Get Married..."

Hey Loves!

I figured reading this poem with some of my beautiful former students in mind, might be a loving way for me to hear your prayers, good wishes for me in this next part of my own life....

(I mean, how long has Ms. Borgmann been saying she's leaving to get married?!)

Sending you all kisses on your cheeks!

Ms. B

P.S. I suppose a non-selfish or non-self-centered way of reading this, might be to invite your beautiful spirits to recall a former teacher, (elementary school) and think fondly on the details of an "instructional" moment....LOVE!

Poem: "Miss Shelley, Miss Hattersley, Miss Guilford . . ." by Rosie King, from Sweetwater, Saltwater. © Hummingbird Press, 2007. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Miss Shelley, Miss Hattersley, Miss Guilford . . .

When I can't remember the name of my third grade teacher,
the only one through ninth grade
that won't spring to mind, I sit
wondering at the mystery of her.
Like a fan blowing cool air in summer, her face
bends down to me, strands of her hair—
it must have been long—or the rayony
swish of her skirt lightly brushing my arm
as my pen writes the letters very precisely, rounding them
in the new cursive, her voice a glissando
tinseled with laughter, her eyes crinkling—
the one who left to get married!—
up there behind her glasses,
the glow of her.

Happy Sobriety, Raymond Carver!

I don't know why, but this really cracks me up:

It was on this day in 1977 that the short-story writer Raymond Carver (books by this author) quit drinking. He had just started to get some recognition for his writing when he began drinking more and more heavily. Finally, his doctor told him he had only six months to live, unless he quit drinking. So that's what he did, on this day in 1977. He later said, "If you want the truth, I'm prouder of that, that I quit drinking, than I am of anything in my life." He died of lung cancer 11 years after he quit drinking, but he once described those last years of his life as, "Gravy. Pure gravy."

The anniversary of Raymond Carver's SOBRIETY?

Dang!

We all have moments, I'm certain, that we can commemorate. The choice to quit killing himself with liquor is a biggie. I whole-heartedly honor Carver, even in the midst of the way this noting sort of tickles something inside me...

"What is that smirking that is happening within?" I wonder.

Perhaps it touches upon my own questions:
What are my anniversaries? What small choices have turned large and the consequences, lingering, transformative? What decision or discernment created a shift in my own ability to be present on the planet and to my own gifts, as writer, artist, human being?

Hmmm.......

Perhaps I need to create my own anniversary: The date that I left teaching and arts administration work to live fully in prayer and love and honor of my own being?

Too selfish?

(What is more selfish? Killing yourself, or not killing yourself?)

My anniversary: February 23, 2007. My last residency as a teacher/ teaching artist. Patrick Henry High School. Emily Lilja's CFA English students. The next day I got a job with Anna Tsantir working for "Two Betty's and a Broom."

Challenge to you: Reflect and name your own potent moments around life and choosing the ability to be fully present and honor yourself.

LOVE!! GIGGLES, NO JUDGEMENTS!

Melissa

Fridays in June: Prayer, Fasting, Quiet time

Melissa and Mo at the Ship and fishing docks in Gloucester, Massachusetts

Greetings Beloved Friends and Ministers of Hospitality to Aunt Mo!

I'd like to invite any of you who are able to join me and Auntie Mo in prayer during Fridays in June.

Even though Ms. Dabs has returned to her home in South Africa, we are still in communication and interested in continuing our prayer and quiet time, listening to God within and all around.

The following are today's scriptures, (sent by Mo last night):

Joel 1 v 14, 2 Chronicles 20 v3, Acts 14 v23, Acts 13 v2-3, Matthew 6 V16-18 and Jonah 12 v 16.


There are special intentions that Mo has asked for me to hold during this time. I'm not exactly clear on how to express these to your beautiful selves, so I'll just trust putting these as general intentions. (Go ahead and add your own!)

Family
Partnership
Peace
Balance
Leadership in the church
Economic stability
Health

Blessings,
Melissa
In St. Paul, MN,
on behalf of Auntie Mo,
East London, South Africa

Response from Amy Baione

Friends,

The following is one of the most potent, powerful, prayerful responses I've ever received to one of my reflections. I feel so fortunate to receive thoughtful responses from all of you. This one I just had to ask permission of the author to share on the "Queen Mab Contemplates" blog site.

Read Amy's words, and then ask yourself, "What would the world look like if we really had this sort of attitude or perspective toward our partners, spouses, lovers? What would the nature of our homes be? How would our children benefit?"

I don't think there would be war. Honestly. The Middle East, and our Urban Centers, North Korea and Darfur: they would all be experiencing a revolution of LOVE! Yes! My dear Boston friend is communicating something that reeks of the secret to love and lasting, transformative happiness.

Peace,

Melissa

.....................................................................
From: "Amy Baione"
Date: May 31, 2007 1:04:29 PM CDT
To: "Melissa Borgmann"
Subject: Re: Post-Mo Contemplation: Encountering Poetry Alone vs. in Partnership

Melissa Borgmann writes:

And this makes me sort of wonder, "What happens when I get married? Will this part of myself that I so love - and so loves God - and that I believe makes my life sort of mean something and worthwhile, will she disappear when I become a wife and full-time partner?"

And your writing, thinking, questioning this makes me sort of wonder, "Why have I felt so alone in feeling sadness over the loss or atrophy of the me-ness I remember from my single days?" It was the me that loved the questions and had the opportunity--actually maybe it's just more time-- to work through their mystery in a sweet, silent dialogue between one me and another me--maybe the earthly me and the transcendent me, I'm not sure.

But before I start passing by reality on the grief train I so love to ride sometimes, I meditate, Melissa, on the reality that the best moments in my life so far as a nearly 33-year-old woman have come within the last 3 years, the years of my marriage, my awesome, scary, strong, rickety, unique and universal marriage to a friend-lover-stranger-father-son-brother-flawed-perfect man. These moments can be few and far between, but when they happen they are truly divine. They happen when (after having carved out some retreat within the constant-exchange-that-is-marriage for tuning into me and the evolution of my thoughts) I savor him and look on him with kind eyes and we talk as though we really love and cherish one another--I mean soul exchange...which in the best, best moments leads to no talking at all. ; )

I mean every last bit of what I just said, and you're going to be okay no matter what.

Amy

Post-Mo Contemplation: Encountering Poetry Alone vs. in Partnership

I've not been in this world of poetry reflection. I'm aware of it. Living as presently as possible with God and my good friend Mo the past month has felt enough of a kind of prayerful stance observing and taking in the poetic. (In scripture, in nature, in humanity, in daily encounters with dirt and water and sun.)

But living with this woman for 27 days is different than living by myself. There has been a shift in my interior life. I know this, as I fumble with words and expression, and approach my computer shyly, just four days the other side of her departure. It takes a fair amount of courage to wake and walk toward my laptop and write. Write for myself. As myself, as the Divine within me wanting to break out.

While I've not strayed from a prayerful life this past month, (my goodness, NO! Mo and I were keen to meet and pray daily - in the morning, before all meals, after meals, getting in the car, leaving people and new places, before resting our heads at night.)

No, I wouldn't say that my spiritual life departed during my guest's tenure in my home.

But: I would say that perhaps a part of me did fade. The self-that-loves-solitude sort of wormed its way into the plaster cracks in my home, and took a rest. And encountering todays' poem, I'm aware of wanting that soulful, resting-in-the-recesses-Melissa spirit BACK. I want her here, with me, behind my eyes, still, but taking notes. I want her near to my lips, silent, but pressing into my tongue to form words. I want her dusted off, to emerge clean, shiny, and confident as she encounters today's Writer's Almanac and sits to write from it, about it, for it.

.......................

It's a different stance, this living alone and being a contemplative. I'm not so sure that it's possible in full-time, live-in partnership.

And this makes me sort of wonder, "What happens when I get married? Will this part of myself that I so love - and so loves God - and that I believe makes my life sort of mean something and worthwhile, will she disappear when I become a wife and full-time partner?"

Ohlala! Something to simply hold and consider, eh? Perhaps pray more about....

............................

To today's poem: Kumin's "In the Park" reveals to me this kind of encounter with death -- a death of our poetic, solitude-selves, as they await rebirth. ?!*&%$!?

I love her play with this Buddhist notion of reincarnation/ (resurrection) alongside the grizzly bear attack, and woven into this Old Testament God and Nature, Heaven and Hell speak. Oh! And let's not forget grammar! This poem has so much going on it. It's so rich, rich, rich!

And it makes me happy, oh so happy, as I feel it all call to that spirit that's working to dislodge itself from the plaster and lathe of my being.

Hmmhmmm....

Amen!

Poem: "In the Park" by Maxine Kumin, from Nurture. © Viking Penguin, 1989. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

In the Park

You have forty-nine days between
death and rebirth if you're a Buddhist.
Even the smallest soul could swim
the English Channel in that time
or climb, like a ten-month-old child,
every step of the Washington Monument
to travel across, up, down, over or through
–you won't know till you get there which to do.

He laid on me for a few seconds
said Roscoe Black, who lived to tell
about his skirmish with a grizzly bear
in Glacier Park. He laid on me not doing anything. I could feel his heart
beating against my heart.
Never mind lie and lay, the whole world
confuses them. For Roscoe Black you might say
all forty-nine days flew by.

I was raised on the Old Testament.
In it God talks to Moses, Noah,
Samuel, and they answer.
People confer with angels. Certain
animals converse with humans.
It's a simple world, full of crossovers.
Heaven's an airy Somewhere, and God
has a nasty temper when provoked,
but if there is a Hell, little is made of it.
No longtailed Devil, no eternal fire,

and no choosing what to come back as.
When the grizzly bear appears, he lies/lays down
on atheist and zealot. In the pitch-dark
each of us waits for him in Glacier Park.

Meditation/ Retreat Assignment: from the Contemplative Spirit of Fr. Thomas Merton

As I write and pray and read here at my family's cabin, overlooking the Lewis and Clark Reservoir at Hideaway Acres, Crofton, Nebraska - these Thomas Merton passages keep kicking my heart and ass and spirit.

These excerpts are more potent, in my estimation, than even the beloved Henri Nouwen.

An assignment, should you choose to desire one in this spirit of your own living and loving discernment space:

Take yourself to a quiet and safe space of solitude.

Light a candle.

Open your palms.

Breathe deeply.

(In with pain, out with love and compassion.)

Read the following.

Listen, without judgement, to your heart, to your mind, your spirit, God.

Write.

"But to love another as a person we must begin by granting him his own autonomy and identity as a person. We have to love him for what he is in himself, and not for what he is to us. We have to love him for his own good, not for the good we get out of him. And this is impossible unless we are capable of a love which 'transforms' us, so to speak, into the other person, making us able to see things a he sees them, love what he loves, experience the deeper realities of his own life as if they were our own. Without sacrifice, such a transformation is utterly impossible. But unless we are capable of this kind of transformation 'into the other' while remaining ourselves, we are not yet capable of a fully human existence. " - from Disputed Questions

............................

"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another. We do not discover the secret of our lives merely by study and calculation in our own isolated meditations. The meaning of our life is a secret that has to be revealed to us in love, by the one we love. And if this love is unreal, the secret will not be found, the meaning will never reveal itself, the message will never be decoded. At best, we will receive a scrambled and partial message, one that will deceive and confuse us. We will never be fully real until we let ourselves fall in love – either with another human person or with God." - From Love and Living

............................

"Our vocation is not simply to be, but to work together with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny… This means to say that we should not passively exist, but actively participate in His creative freedom, in our own lives, and in the lives of others, by choosing the truth. To put it better, we are even called to share with God the work of creating the truth of our identity. We can evade this responsibility by playing with masks, and this pleases us because it can appear at times to be a free and creative way of living. It is quite easy, it seems, to please everyone. But in the long run the cost and the sorrow come very high. To work out our own identity in God, which the Bible calls "working out our salvation," is a labor that requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears. It demands close attention to reality at every moment, and great fidelity to God as He reveals Himself, obscurely, in the mystery of each new situation. " - From Seeds

...................................

"There is another self, a true self, who comes to full maturity in emptiness and solitude – and who can of course, begin to appear and grow in the valid, sacrificial and creative self-dedication that belong to a genuine social existence. But note that even this social maturing of love implies at the same time the growth of a certain inner solitude.

...............................

Without solitude of some sort there is and can be no maturity. Unless one becomes empty and alone, he cannot give himself in love because he does not possess the deep self which is the only gift worthy of love. And this deep self, we immediately add, cannot be possessed. My deep self in not 'something' which I acquire, or to which I 'attain' after a long struggle. It is not mine, and cannot become mine. It is no 'thing' – no object. It is 'I'. " - from "Disputed Questions"

..........................

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. - from "Thoughts in Solitude"

http://www.octanecreative.com/merton/quotes.html

Peace, Love,

Melissa

The Week in Review: Maureen Dabula in Minnesota

We've been praying a lot. Eating, meeting, praying, napping. Connecting, connecting, connecting. Driving, napping, Praying more.

And it's not such a bad life, you know?

I am overwhelmingly, abundantly blessed by Maureen Dabula's presence in my life, house, world this month. I feel as if I have my own personal spiritual director and tour guide for life. All wrapped up in this compact package of Brown skin, Beaming smile, Outrageous Love, and Divine Spirt. Hmm, hmm, hmmm...

I am one lucky woman.

What follows are snapshots from our week's travels to:

the Perpich Center for Arts Education,

Rochester's Assisi Heights and Mayo Clinic comrades

Bemidji's Paul Bunyan and Courthouse

North Minneapolis' Visitation Sisters and Retreat Space...

Peace, Love, Joy, Abundance to each and everyone!

Melissa

First Stop: Perpich Center for Arts Education - Golden Valley

Meeting the delightful Barbara Cox

To the convent in Rochester: Assisi Heights

The view from my bedroom window....

Sr. Rafael: our guide of all things literary, spiritual, sacred.
My newest heroes: Charlie and Will Mayo - (I highly recommend the tale of these brothers collaborating with the Fransiscan Sisters to lay the foundation for the Mayo Clinic legacy.)

Time to Connect: A fancy dinner out with delightful friends in the health, leadership and public/ social policy sectors of this work.

From Rochester's Sisters and Mayo Clinic, to Bemidji and the Bunyon/ Blue Ox phenomenon...

Mo reclines in our posh quarters overlooking Lake Bemiji...

Bridge over the Mississippi and Auntie Mo

The Visitation Spirit....

Entering the Visitation Convent in North Minneapolis...

Sr. Katherine Mullin greeting Mo

To be so lucky as to have our morning lead by Brother Mickey, the inspired artist...

The Black Christ

Do you see the theme? Visiting Sisters...Here, Sr. Karen sends us on our way with amazing warmth...

Holing up at B'Mo's: Here giggling with my former student, "Foogie" or as Mo refers to him: "Goofy."

LOVE!

Pine Cones, Paths, Lighting Fires...

Loves,

I'm perched inside the Hampton Inn, sitting comfortably in an overstuffed chair, looking out these picture windows at Lake Bemidji, and know this overwhelming truth: God is good.

This week has included several small moments of grace; and a few bats-to-the-head-mind-blowing occurrences that I can only attribute to the Divine. My charge this Friday afternoon, overcast and chilly, sitting here -- relaxing before a road trip home to St. Paul -- is to simply note some of these little things that have struck me in the past week...

I'm not sure HOW they add up, but that my job is to describe things that have stuck out to me.

Perhaps something here will tickle something inside of you....and YOU can TELL ME what I'm to make of any of these things....?!

.................................................

1. Tuesday morning, before I was heading out with my beloved South African Visitor, "Auntie Mo" I took note of a strange occurrence with my gas stove...

The evening before I had taught Mo how to light the fire to make her boiling water for breakfast.

Turn the black knob to the left and hold it, until the clicking spark catches the gas, and a flame appears.

She was a quick study, and practiced several times before we went to bed that first evening.

In the morning then, she went about handling her business preparing her water, when I ran into her in the hallway of my house and heard this click, click, click, click - over and over.

I recognized it as the stove igniting sound, but here was Maureen, standing next to me near the bathroom.

It made no sense. When I went to investigate, I saw that the knob was turned correctly, but that it was trying to light itself again, despite the fact that it was already lit, fire burning brightly below the pot, and water heating.

Hmm.....

......................................

2. I've lived in my house at 1188 Juno since July of 1994, when I moved back to Minnesota after a 2 year hiatus in my home state of Nebraska. During this past 13 years, I've developed a pretty comfortable routine of getting exercise in my neighborhood, walking Edgcumbe down to the Highland Golf Course, to Hamline and then back.

Yesterday morning, on this familiar route, I decided to cross a short bridge on the opposite side of the road. When I did, I realized that there was a path to my left, down into a ravine where I had assumed a little creek existed, and that wasn't traversable.

It is strange to notice new things that ARE, after you've gotten so comfortable with what you believed them to be....

.......................................

3. The planning for Auntie Mo's month long stay has given rise to a fair amount of anxiety in this 38 year old body and being of mine. No matter how much I seem to pray, I still get nervous that somehow I'm going to screw something up, or that she and I will drive one another nuts, and possibly want to strangle each other.

The incorporation of introductions to friends, colleagues, collaborators, faith friends, family, does little to ease these anxieties. Though I relish this kind of activity, I'm mindful of my own kind of severe independence and life-pace, and not sure a month of creating and facilitating itineraries is something I'll be able to do successfully without again wanting to slit someone's wrists....

What my faith does tell me, though: over and over and over again: is that I'm NOT in CHARGE. That this trip (and LIFE) is all unfolding in God's time and according to a Divine Will and Purpose. So, with that, I work to rest easy, (that's a funny saying, "I WORK to REST ?!)

The mantra I've been incorporating into life is "to hold things loosely" and trust that if they are meant to be, they'll have some way of working themselves out....

And so: my latest prayer and meditation activity is to practice this LITERALLY. I"ve been walking with pine cones in my hands. Precious tiny pine cones, that are so delicate and conceivably crushable. But I hold them loosely in my palms, and walk, taking notes. Being aware that I've got this life of some sort in my hands, and that to squeeze to tightly is to crush the next possible life of this thing in nature...

What do pine cones actually do in nature? That's a question I have...

I remember them as necessary objects for home-made bird feeders when I was in 2nd and 3rd grade. We'd smear peanut butter on them and hang them out for the birds to eat off of them...

But what else do they do? Is their job?

.......................

I'm not certain where I'm going in this. But, I know something wild is burning and alive, and working to light it is silly. It's already on fire. It exists. As that pathway does. Yes. The trail or route to another side of life has always been present, it's just now being revealed I think, for whatever reason. I'm ready to walk on another side of this road, cross the bridge differently....

And I cannot force any of this -- or hold it too tightly. Just let it rest, like these pine cones, so lovely and sacred, in my loose hands, as I move forward in this journey...

Reflecting from Lake Bemidji,

Peace to you this Day!

Melissa

P.S. Bemidji is an Ojibwe word which means lake with cross waters or a lake lying cross-wise to the general route of travel.

Making our Lives Available to Others: in Music, Stories, Poems, Songs, Art, Dance...

Whatever your medium, everyone has a story to tell...

I have been overwhelmingly blessed in the past week to hear many stories....Often I feel like a small child, sitting at the feet of Kings and Queens, when tales begin to unfold; something gets moved sideways in my body, it's like a cage is unlocked to the ears of my heart.....

A week ago today, it was over Sunday brunch sitting across the table from Barbara and Aubrey Nkomo, visiting from South Africa/ New York, sharing pieces of their poignant history as diplomats, visionaries, two loves who found one another at the United Nations. Daily in email I've been receiving snippets from my graduating high school classmates of 1987 (including potent reflections from Wendy, a friend with whom I shared a deep love for a man that took his own life.) Friday afternoon: I was blessed to hold space with George "Yerzy" Galonska, a Polish immigrant who fights fires in Minneapolis, collects sewing machines, and wants to meet mystics. That evening: it was the Cates Music singing stories into my soul and one divine Henry Allen who appeared and reminded me of what it is to simply RECEIVE.....

Oh! Now I could go on and on. But my job this day is to simply hold up more of Nouwen, quoted below, and remind you all of your gorgeous voices, hearts, spirits, that are simply waiting to pour out their own tales. Know there is no one right way, just that we are all called to give voice to these silences or hushed experiences within...Sing! Dance! Make your art! Tell your tale!

Love to you this day!

Melissa

Making Our Lives Available to Others

One of the arguments we often use for not writing is this: "I have nothing original to say. Whatever I might say, someone else has already said it, and better than I will ever be able to." This, however, is not a good argument for not writing. Each human person is unique and original, and nobody has lived what we have lived. Furthermore, what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a very creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others.

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.

-- Henri Nouwen

Some responses to the BABY Lessons....

Loves,

Thanks for all of your delightful words in response to my wanting-a-baby-writing. Here are some additional "lessons" that I thought you all might appreciate. They are from: My NCHS classmate, Colleen; sister Katie; cousin Jill; and another classmate, Jennifer.

I laughed my a-- off reading the original Lesson List sent by my sister-in-law, Emily.... But you all have some GREAT additional ones that I believe could be added to this.......

Giggles and Big Love,

Melissa

...........................................................................

Hilarious!

You forgot about the part where your semi potty trained child poops on

the kitchen floor, panics, runs through the poop, through the living

room, up the stairs, and into the bathroom, leaving little poop foot

prints in his wake while screaming "MOMMY, I POOP!!! I POOP!!! HELP

ME!! I POOP!!!"

Oh yeah, and it's 3 hours before you host book club...you have scones

in the oven and you still have to finish cleaning the family room and

reading the book.

That happened to me a couple of months ago. Thank GOD for carpet

shampooers and percoset.

Colleen

.........................................................

after reading that, i don't think either of us should have kids until

a drug company has a complete newborn to adult mood and behavior

modifier. if successful i will then defrost our eggs and get us both

knocked up! hahahha

love you tons and tons.

kate

......................................................

Add this one,

Take all the loose change in Brendan's mom's (Grandma Marie's) cup holder and stick each one sneakily into the gear-shift slot - one, by one, by one, until they are gone.... Now, the car will not stay in park, or drive or reverse until you pay the Audi Repair Man $276.00. Who read about that one in "Parenting 101"?

- thank you, Brendan Timmer Teehan, two Christmases ago in Del Mar, CA

You have time and when the time is right, you will be ready.

xoxo

Jill

.............................

Ok, I am going to throw my 2 cents in here for what it is worth. I need to take a break from working on this pension spreadsheet! My neck is killing me. On kids, I have to tell you, they are the light of your life. Here's a funny story for you along with telling you how darn BIG I was....

When I was pregnant with my 2nd one, I was getting out of the shower when my oldest walked in (get used to having NO privacy with kids) and he looked at me and said "Mommy, take the baby out for a minute so I can see him". I explained that it doesn't work that way. He said "Just for a minute mommy, then you can put him back in". He's saying this as he is trying to spread my stomach apart thinking there is just this cool little zipper I can undo to get him out. I explained again that it doesn't work that way. He stands there looking so cute staring at me, then takes his small hand, reaches around and pats my fat a@@ and goes..."Do you have one in there too mommy?". At that point I told him NO I don't and please go in the other room and play with his toys!

Kids will make you cry, make you laugh, make you pull your hair out, but most of all, they will fill your heart liked it's never been filled before. You are such a wonderful, loving and giving person that I know children are in your future. Your husband is just out there waiting for you when you least expect it. Don't give up! I'm praying for you.

Jennifer

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On Having Babies...(After 38.)

Loves,

I have had a pretty solid one track mind since I left my life as an educator/ administrator/ consultant to clean houses and date. (I could add " and to pursue my writing career," but that's really not be at the top of my list.)

No: Babies, people. I have wanted to have babies. Clocks are ticking. Sand is running out of the hour glass, and eggs are dropping, rather dying it seems as each day and month passes....

Scary, for sure!

(You all know my mother invited me to consider freezing these things that will be 1/2 of her future grandchildren, right?....Another tale.)

So: I've just been trying to bide my time. Date some men. You know: go out for wine, have burgers, be taken to the art museum, or bowling, all in the larger interest of love, a bit of a romance, and then some whoppingly fast sex to produce offspring.

Really, truly: imagining the whole thing at the age of 38 1/2 sort of makes my head spin. Shoot! It's like I could get morning sickness just thinking of what I'm asking God for....

Cue Elaine and Jerry from Seinfeld: "The Baby! The baby!"

I want to date. And do some kind of wedding. I want to build a life together. I'd like to imagine traveling, or buying pillows together, or mowing the lawn and grilling, having friends over. Drinking and talking and giggling till late at night. Playing poker with his friends. Or whatever his friends normally do that excludes women, but that he'll want me there for at this early point in our life together. I want that period. You know: young couple in love and chilling mode?

Sigh.

Deep breath.

But how does one do that at 38 and 1/2 - when you aren't even married yet, and your unborn son and daughter keep whispering: Mommy! We want to be born! Would you get on it already?! We need bodies!

I'm not crazy. My children talk to me. My son has at least. (I just keep doing the wishful thinking: there's a girl out there, too, who really wants to enter my life, who wants me to play with her and teach her things.....)

Lalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa...................

Birth Control Happens right here...........Ladies and Gentleman, this is my life lesson, coming at me from a couple directions today:

1. Cleaning houses.

2. In the copied and forwarded funny email from my sister-in-law, a new mother, pasted below.

Yes, I was fortunate to receive a serious birth control lesson while doing my "Two Betty's and A Broom" routine - cleaning houses and really SEEING what a mom's life is like. I was knee deep in this world today; or should I say plastic toy-and-toddler-tissues-on-runny-noses-deep - while over at Sara and Aaron's home, tidying their living quarters.

The three hours of scrubbing while simultaneously navigating the beloved monotonous sound of baby Naomi wanting to be read to, over and over and over and over again: Let's just say: it was a wake up call to my fantasy. It was rather, a lovely way to push PAUSE and hold a bit on the NOW and the JOY I have in still being single and responsible for only myself.

Sweet!

It is. I have to celebrate. Cause with my clock, and what God keeps telling me, I know these babes are going to be here before I know it. And I don't want to look back on this time and NOT RECALL how mentally and physically and emotionally prepared the Universe was getting me.

I do love this day, this moment. And that I can read the following Lessons ("15 Step Program to Prep for Kids" and laugh - knowing their truth, and that there is still time.

Indeed.

Amen.

Enjoy!

Melissa

............................................

Thinking of Having Kids?

Do this 15 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5 Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel....

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years.

Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.

2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.

3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower .

Lesson 7

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.

And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8

1. Get ready to go out.

2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.

3. Go out the front door.

4. Come in again.Go out.

5. Come back in.

6. Go out again.

7. Walk down the front path.

8. Walk back up it.

9. Walk down it again.

10. Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.

11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.

12. Retrace your steps.

13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.

14. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9

Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent).

If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat.

Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 12

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's "Noggin"?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13

Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.