QueenMab Contemplates...: Buddhism

Showing posts with label Buddhism. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Tending to our Interiors: Introducing Inspiration from Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM

Note: The following was written for the Visitation Monastery North Minneapolis blog. I post it here to invite readers of "QueenMab Contemplates..." to follow this series on Fr. Rohr.

"There is nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I am who I am and it's enough." — Richard Rohr

After I left my ten-plus year post in urban education, I spent a year cleaning people's houses. I got paid to tidy, scour, tend to the dust and grime that we all accumulate in our living spaces. For twenty four hours a week, I would scrub, sweep, polish a family's home or single person's pad, making my way through bathrooms, kitchens, dens, bedrooms, laundry rooms, office spaces, attics, basements. It was privileged work in many ways - as I was privy to the interiors of others' "sanctuaries" - so to speak. I came to think of this period in literal and figurative ways; I was cleaning out not only the inside of other humans' homes, but tending to my own interior spaces: of heart, spirit, mind. It was sacred work on many levels.

During this time, I listened to a lot of Fr. Richard Rohr, OFM, founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation, on CD. I'd go into these sacred spaces, broom and bucket in hand, and -- (if it wasn't a Bob Marley kind of morning, or Neil Diamond flashback afternoon that I was having) -- I'd pop in a recording of the Franciscan priest from New Mexico. Viola! I was on retreat while at work. Every action of soap and sponge and elbow-pushing-arm, became a contemplative, active prayer of sorts. I was, in the words of Fr. Rohr's, putting to use the most operative word in his organization's title, being a person of contemplation AND action. What I encountered in my heart and mind whilst listening to "Jesus and Buddha: Paths to Awakening" or "The Great Chain of Being: Simplifying our Lives" conference or "True Self/False Self" made its way literally through my interior life and into exterior action.

During this year of prayer and manual physical labor, I made significant changes in my life. I worked to simplify or downsize in all respects of property and ego; I let go of everything I thought I knew for certain; I felt freer and more happy than I had ever been - as I cleaned and contemplated and wrote blogs as prayerful prose for the public. It was a revolutionary year of my life.

I've recently become re-acquainted with Fr. Rohr, as a friend hooked me up with his daily meditations sent via email from the Center for Action and Contemplation. It's exhilarating to re-discover this spiritual teacher/wise counselor and touchstone. As a prolific writer and speaker, Fr. Rohr has many books and CD's published to inspire our lives; he's not unlike the Visitation's co-founder, St. Francis de Sales, or the many holy people who inspire our hearts, minds, souls, and bodies.

In the days, weeks, months to come, I will be re-posting some of Fr. Richard Rohr's words as they so move me; I will be working to apply them, through a Salesian lens, to my own life. I invite you to join me!

Peace to all this day.

Melissa Borgmann-Kiemde,
Vis Companion

Thursday, June 11, 2009

On Poetry and Anxiety at 4am: "Horses at Midnight Without a Moon"

I woke this morning at 4 a.m. in total fear and anxiety. Do you know this feeling?

Imagine my 40 year old frame stirring: gasping for breath, sweating from too many blankets -- or the heat of bad dreams -- and the dance of my life's failures before me. All the missed deadlines, poorly completed assignments, all the areas that I could imagine I sucked in my work and relationships were parading around my bed. It was not a fun place to be at 4 a.m.

Alone. In darkness. Trying to breathe.

I replayed the dreams that took me to that moment. The long ago awkward lover showing up to greet my parents, though his presence was no longer desired. (Failure to marry?) The creative writing and performance tasks that a dear friend was completing, while I watched and took notes, but didn't dare attempt. (Failure to publish?) The former student whose heart and brilliant mind inspired me, but who I failed to ever broadcast or promote. This young man crossing the street, waving, dancing, but seemingly taunting me: you didn't ever really do anything for me as a teacher! (Failure to acknowledge?) The colleague's questions and artistic processes that I knew transformed lives, but who I didn't document. (Failure to act?)

I was shrouded in some crazy darkness and doubt, some ego-laden fears about what I conceive of my life's work and purpose, and what I have truly accomplished. It was hard. I wanted to cry. I felt really alone and unable to shirk the sweaty salty experience of an anxiety attack at 4 am.

So I prayed. I replayed James' Finley describing Siddhartha, and how this man did one

extraordinarily simple, but radical act: "Buddha sat and calmed himself." I tried to do this same thing. I breathed in and out and in and out. I said the "Our Father" five times. Then, a bit more calm, I looked at my dreams and these fears presenting themselves in my awake state. I saw my ridiculous ego thinking I was all that and capable of Christ-like activity. I laughed. I said, "Thank you," to the nuns in my life and sent a couple notes of prayer and gratitude out to my okay-to-text-at-4am-family-and-friends.

And then I read this poem. Pulling up the Writer's Almanac on my pda, I took in Jack Gilbert's piece, "Horses at Midnight Without a Moon" and I laughed and wept with the incredible resonance of poetry speaking to me. Art mirroring life.

And now, how many hours later, after a day's work, and some time to look back at it all, I share it with you. How many wake in these pre-light hours with such dark thoughts? Who encounters their own egos in such a crazed dance of desire and drama, fear and shame? Who finds Gilbert and celebrates his similar knowing about the heart and the animal world and the hope present in it all?

Enjoy the poem! Happy Contemplating!

Love,

Melissa

***

Horses At Midnight Without A Moon
by Jack Gilbert

Horses At Midnight Without A Moon
by Jack Gilbert

Our heart wanders lost in the dark woods.
Our dream wrestles in the castle of doubt.
But there's music in us. Hope is pushed down
but the angel flies up again taking us with her.
The summer mornings begin inch by inch
while we sleep, and walk with us later
as long-legged beauty through
the dirty streets. It is no surprise
that danger and suffering surround us.
What astonishes is the singing.
We know the horses are there in the dark
meadow because we can smell them,
can hear them breathing.
Our spirit persists like a man struggling
through the frozen valley
who suddenly smells flowers
and realizes the snow is melting
out of sight on top of the mountain,
knows that spring has begun.

"Horses At Midnight Without A Moon" by Jack Gilbert, from Refusing Heaven. © Alfred A. Knopf, 2005. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Babies, Buddhas, Obama: Election Day, 2008

Here are some images and a bit of a story I logged on the Borgmann Family List-serve about this historic event in our nation's history... As I edited images this day, I started to note this theme of babies --adopted and biological -- images of Buddha in the evening, and the largeness of Love and Family in our local and global communities. Amen.

***

"In terms of happiness, this day has to rank with days like giving birth, getting married, graduating from college" - Lisa Cederlind Teet, Cousin

Birth. Marriage. Graduation. Yes!!!!

I was at several different parties last evening in St. Paul and Minneapolis. But when the news announced California's electoral votes coming in and declared Obama the President-Elect, I was with my friends Ann Shallbetter, Toni Bennaars Mawanda and Shannon Broderick at Tam Tam's,-- the African restaurant of the Mawanda clan on Cedar Riverside in Minneapolis. Francis Ssennoga, this lovely Ugandan fellow I've become friends with, organized a small gathering of people from the community to watch the election results and to document this historic occasion.

I loved being in this setting, to be interviewed and video taped by Francis, to share with the larger Ugandan American community thoughts on this time, but also to honor his own life and present circumstances....

On Monday, November 3rd, Francis became a father for the first time with his long-time partner Cecile Aguilar. Cecile is a French woman from the Southern region of France (and home of Francis de Sales and Jane de Chantal --who are like my spiritual parents).

Their baby boy was born on Monday as a French-Ugandan-American child. To hold space with

Francis then as he captured this historic time in our country's history (our world's history) it was hard not to be overwhelmed for the hope and promise of not only our future, but of this small little boys'....

So much is possible!

I'm with you completely on this time being like a birth, marriage, graduation...The Birth, Marriage, Graduation of our nation to something that honors ALL of us. Yes.

Amen!

Love,

Melissa

****

Pre-Departure Prayer:
Hope of the Evening

I snapped this before I left...A picture of my Buddha candle, next to a recent photo of a friend's grandson...It tunes my eyes to hope, our future, families, peace as themes for the evening...